definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
