i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
