So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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