Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
