oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize