He kissed a someone with a penis
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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