you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
