You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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