We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
