ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have post one night stand depression
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