So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
