not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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