My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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