I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
