I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
