It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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