I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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