I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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