Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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