ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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