Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
