Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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