So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
