is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
