Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
