my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
We are all done wearing pants today
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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