Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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