Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
