sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
