I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
