well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
