i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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