Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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