he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
