i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
