I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
