I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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