he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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