Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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