i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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