I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
