hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you traded sex for a burrito?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
