just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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