When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
