I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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