those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
