Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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