I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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