her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
