His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are we still banned from the library?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
