Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
