i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
