I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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