I just pynch a tree in the face
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we made out on top of his cat.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
