allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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