Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
