There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
