You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
