It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Floor bacon is actually really good
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
