Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
