I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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