its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think i have herpe
just one?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i came on her dog
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
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