Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize