im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
