Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
