You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
