Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
