I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
