Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
