If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
